From clubs in financial trouble to fallen giants, every club has a story to tell and here the Yellow Llama unearths his favourites and sends his findings home to his fellow llamas.
"LLaMa's don't do challenges, but sometimes they need a push in the right direction".
-Ancient LLaMa proverb
It's been a while since I wrote, I know. I started FM21 by telling you not to worry if you were stuck in a rut and that you weren't alone. But, alas, since Valentine's day, you have been alone. I mean, I know there are 8 of you, but let's be honest, once you've laughed at the Brown one going on about his "old balls" and listened to Purple going on about relegation based on average points over a number of seasons, there is little to occupy the time. In fact, it makes that 20-30 year life span we are expected to endure even more of an ordeal.
Anyway, "where have I been?", I hear you ask? Well, I don't hear you ask, because you're in Peru and I'm.... somewhere else. But I'm sure you've asked. Except Grey, who has probably just shouted "Slavoj Trebisov" or something just as ridiculous. Well, to cut a long story short, I have been completely unable to contact you by electronic means, or even by way of the scribe (pen & paper). I tried smoke signals but some of my wool caught and a man squirted me with a fire extinguisher and kicked me out of "his church". Oh well.
How did this happen, I hear you ask? Well, I don't, because you're in Peru and I'm.... somewhere else. I will tell you "how this happened".
So, as you will recall, when I wrote last I talked about a Ferrero Rocher spiking incident at a Christmas Party. Six weeks on, my belief was that I was completely lucid following said incident and finally ready to open up about my relationship with Julia. Well, apparently I was NOT completely lucid and, according to Julia's lawyers, I was "a complete head case", "a moronic fantasist" and had "made it all up".
They also insisted that she has "indeed never been a fan of coats (prefers cardigans) but she has no concerns about bridges at all and has crossed a number of them in her lifetime without either positive or negative incident". Well obviously I wasn't going to stand for that, and, in an interview with TMZ, accused her of unspeakable things that I cannot possibly repeat. That showed her, and she agreed to settle out of court.
The settlement was that I sought medical help and gave her all my worldly possessions, which were a pen, my laptop and my copy of FM21. It was all quite upsetting, but apparently I "got away with it". Ha. What is also upsetting is that, knowing Julia*, she is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT the type of person who plays as PSG and then complains on the internet about how easy it is. Having saved/loaded repeatedly.
*Legally required disclaimer - I do NOT know Julia.
Anyway, I have managed to get my hands on a new laptop and copy of FM22, and I promise I'm going to write with some regularity this year. Starting soon. I shall also explain how I managed to acquire the new laptop and copy of FM22 through HARD WORK, and still managed to pay off about 1.5% of the $10,000,000 court costs and damages that my so called solicitor managed to "negotiate". Idiot.
As always, I shall regale you with suggestions as below;
Young Llama suggestion - One for the young LLaMas, unsure if the llama life is for them & ready to dip their hooves in the water.
Old Llama suggestion - One for the more experienced amongst us, each unique & different in it's own way.
"Random" suggestion - A random suggestion based on a number of well thought out factors. Mainly that the team plays in yellow. Well, that's about the only factor really.
Yellow Llama's Legendary Twisted LLaMa Suggestion - For the less discerning LLaMa who wants to spice up their save. Not for the feint hearted, it has come to my attention that these might not always fit in with the official LLaMa guidelines. Look, you don't HAVE to try it. I mean I'm not holding a gun to your head. Yet.
I will also suggest things you could do with your sad little lives when you are inevitably and brutally sacked by your club and need to while away the hours before that aforementioned lifespan catches up with you.
I will be writing again very soon.